In the past, my personality and confidence were getting slandered. Not only that I was going through some leadership pains of growth, but this also became a trigger of past pain of growing up without me even knowing it. I took some hits and came back strong but stayed quiet. I worked underground and kept it moving. I reflected, healed, apologized, asked questions, made mistakes, hurt others (not intentionally), took ownership in my part, was too overprotective, and stumbled through learning what it takes to be a leader. I ALWAYS wanted to fix it, always asked what am I doing wrong over and over that it gave me anxiety.
Leading gave me anxiety because I felt like I was on eggshells, wanted people to like me and my two self-sabotaging issues took over. Hyper achiever and people pleaser when those two crashed together, huneyyyy I needed to step back! It became too much, and it was even too much for others.
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Never was a fan of hype or always needed the mic. But my light stopped shining as bright due to some wrong slight adjustments. I knew at first well, hey there is nothing I can do about other peoples feelings about my personality and confidence. But when you keep hearing it, you often start to wonder. Do I need to fix who I am? Dress like how they want me to dress (after making proper changes), still intimidate people by the way I dressed, calm down with energy, stop dancing so much cuz "it looks bad to others"? Being told your acting funny, or just being stared and watched every moment of the time. All I wanted was freedom! ✊
It became too much weight that I didn't want to carry that cross anymore. So I dropped it and sat there crying. After I stopped feeling bad for myself, I got the hell back up and worked on the leader within me. (Found the root of this trigger which linked to growing up #family)
Who you are is who you are.
Who I am is who I am.
You are designed to attract and help a tribe of people. Not everyone has the same tribe. It's ok if some people are saying your too flamboyant or you intermediate and should dress more like whatever they see, too much energy, or whatever else people didn't like. These are just examples from my story. Know that loving yourself and being confident in it is critical. There is NO ONE LIKE YOU!
Slight adjustments that were given to me that were well needed: Bad habits, communication, leadership language, slowing down, taking a full look and UNDERSTANDING, and letting the fuck go!
Work through it, and stand up for yourself. Understand that you have triggers when you go through pain or trauma step back and do the work to look at it. Do the energy work to feel that emotion and find that root of the issue. Family? Past life? If you see yourself having a hard time looking into talking to a professional might be the next solution. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SEEKING HELP ✊
Growing up, my parents didn't realize they had a little leader on their hands. I got in trouble for being too bossy ALL THE TIME! I was even grounded sometimes for long periods. Parents are humans also, and they're not perfect. It would have benefited me to see I was a leader rather than having the feeling of doing something wrong and being punished all the damn time.
My delivery was wrong, should have done it with more love with my siblings. But hey I was a child 😜I was one hard headed ass one at that lol. It's a Harry thang man, I see my grandma and be like, oh so that's where we get it, lol 😜. So I worked on becoming more coachable and kept busy in sports and music. I became one of the top female track stars and sat first chair playing the violin, point guard/small forward in basketball, and co-captain of our cheerleading squad. Starting at 5th grade - High school was the season that my leadership skills were growing through action. The sad thing was my self-esteem still needed some work done. I kept feeling like I wasn't enough.
It took time to find the root of some of these issues. It will take time for yourself as well as you continue to work on your self-development. Triggers are lessons for you to see that you need to dig deeper into that area to soul healing!! Uproot cast out those strongholds that no longer belong! Your journey isn't going to look like others so stay focused on your path. Forgive yourself, others, and continue to do the energy work needed to heal completely.
Did you know you can heal?
It's not who you are It was a PAST pain or trauma you went through that's all. It's an emotion that needs attention. Don't ignore the fact that you're a mother flipping human being!! Love yourself more!
Lessons from this story:
2. You're not made for EVERYONE. It's ok!! Make adjustments on learned skills, set boundaries and understand different personalities, so you know how to move when you're in different energy around others. It's ok if people don't want to work with a person and you work well with another. Your tribe will find you, and you are assigned to help the right people.
3. What is the root of this issue? This issue was only a trigger for a broader problem. What are your triggers? Does it bring you back to past family stuff? Which parent or family member? Past life? These are questions that my spiritual coach had to ask me that had my wheels turning not only that a big chunk of learning myself and growing through past TRAUMA was from my best friend who is a Doctor in physiology.
4. Seek professional help. It's ok; we should leverage people that can help you don't have to know all the answers right away. You may need help being asked the right questions to get deeper into your memories.
5.Learn/understand your self-sabotaging habits to begin the to heal. That's in three parts folks, learn, comprehend through past by reflecting, and start your energy work healing. FREE Self-Sabotage Quiz
Share your story on some triggers you faced and was able to receive your soul healing or what are some things you are working on presently?
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Peace and blessings.
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